within reach

Sometimes when you are in the midst of stressful things, it's helpful to hear a familiar voice, reminding you that this is not all there is, that you get to leave soon (May!), and that in a few months these will all be memories.

(Thanks, Ema.)

Obama is coming to Arizona!

But I have decided that, given my recent luck in seeing presidential candidates (see a few posts below for my particularly disastrous attempt to attend a Hillary Clinton rally), it would be unwise and a waste of time to drive to Phoenix this afternoon. Bill Clinton is also coming to Arizona soon, and I probably won't attend that either. Alas. Go Obama!

"Rain, rain, go away..."

This headline in the Arizona Daily Wildcat, referring to yesterday's showers, is symbolic of the larger disconnect between Tucson and myself. While it was raining yesterday, my mood was lifted as I curled up to some warm soup and a good book. It was lovely.

new computer.

At the end of last semester (and the previous one) I lamented the fact that computer woes seem to strike at the last minute, when course papers and other assignments are due. Well, turns out that my computers also like to mix things up at the beginning of the semester as well.

My computer was dropped from my desk yesterday, and after consulting with the pricey folks at Best Buy and the lovely folks at Blue Chip Computers in Tucson, it was determined that though the computer itself may be salvageable, the crucial bit, the hard drive, is done, gone, unaccessible. Rather than deal with trying to get another hard drive and fixing the computer (it was in poor shape before the crash; the cd/dvd drive, for instance, had ceased working), I just got another computer. A crappy, ugly, huge one, to be sure. But it works, and it was cheap.

The worst part of it all is, of course, that I have lost not only my music and music, I have lost papers, data, etc. This is, of course, my own fault for not properly backing up my computer. But I typically do that through cds, and my cd drive had not been working for months, so I had not done it in a while.

I have other computer woes to report, but I am too busy at the moment downloading and installing all of those things that one must get onto a new computer, including Firefox, AIM, Open Office, iTunes, etc. More stories will follow including my wiping clean the hard drive of another computer (by accident, of course) and the brilliant hacking of my facebook account by my lovely friends who I am, right now, placing on notice. Watch your backs.

I heard Hillary Clinton speak last night!

From my car. While in the parking lot of a high school. But, she was actually at that high school, in person.

Let me explain. On Monday night I (and thousands of others) received an email from the Clinton campaign* inviting us to a “town-hall style” event in Laveen, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix. It was to be held at a local high school and we were told to arrive by 7 pm. When I got out of class (not until nearly 5; though this was only the first class of a course that is scheduled to go to 6 pm on Tuesdays), I ran to my car and immediately started driving at undoubtedly unsafe speeds to make it in time. I would say my average speed on the highway was around 85. (I know that sounds entirely too high, but the speed limit itself was 75.) It was very stressful, weaving in and out of traffic at high speeds. All to see a politician who I am not supporting.

Anyway, I arrived in the general area by 6:58. I knew I would be a little late, but I figured they would let me in. And, they probably would have. But I simply could not find the school, and my directions were dead useless. The combination of my navigatorial incompetence, the city's incomprehensible layout***, and google maps' failure to understand that layout resulted in me pulled over to the side of the road, frustrated nearly to tears. Finally I called lovely, lovely Jason, who, after a while, helped me to figure it out.

By the time I made it to where I was supposed to go, it was past 8. It was instantly apparent that this was not a “town-hall style” meeting. This place was packed, overflowing. There was no place to park, not even to park illegally. I heard Clinton's voice booming over a loudspeaker. Town hall events typically do not involve the sort of audio equipment that was clearly involved in this rally. I felt better. I would have been disappointed if I had lost an opportunity to as my question****, but it was clear that such an opportunity had never existed.

The highlight of the evening was the inevitable throng of Ron Paul supporters, who congregated, with their signs and shouts, at all entrances and along the roadway of the high school. But I can see them in Tucson any old day.

All in all, it was a supreme waste of both time and gas money. Perhaps the only benefit is that it spurred me to write this blog post, which is my first in nearly a month. And that's something, right? Perhaps not as cool as hearing Hillary Clinton speak might have been.

* Yes, I know, being on the Clinton mailing list and going to Clinton events may lead the average observer to suspect that I am voting for Clinton. I have no intention of doing so**.

**I am actually going to either vote for Ron Paul (for the fun of it) or Mitt Romney (for the strategy of it) in the Republican party in Texas. I support Barack Obama, but will of course vote for Hillary Clinton in the general election if she is the nominee.

***Some of my critics and naysayers (you know who you are) will put much more weight on my directional cluelessness than on the problematic street layout. But trust me, it was crazy. I pulled into one place that looked promisingly like a school, where I encountered a security guard. He had me pull over and asked, “Are you looking for the school?” I was immediately grateful to have been pulled over, thinking that he would provide directions, but he only informed me that 1) many other people had been just as lost as me, and 2) he did not, in fact, know where the school was. The fact that other people were just as lost as I speaks to the actual ridiculousness of the streets.

****Oh, and it was a good question. I carefully thought it out. I picked a softball that I knew she had an answer to, but the answer would still be interesting. I figured the only way I could get to ask a question would be to have a softball because surely the staffers would screen the questions. But at the sort of event that this had turned out to be, the only way to ask a question would have been to overpower several security guards and secret service officers in order to steal the microphone away from the senator. Back when I thought it would be a real town-hall kinda thing, I had this fantasy that I would ask a question to which Clinton's response would be so interesting (in a good or a bad way) that it would get all sorts of media play; it would even influence peoples' votes. I would have substantially affected the course of American politics. Perhaps I could have even made her cry, since the media seem so interested in that.

Break?

I had a wonderful Christmas, but because I have so many things I need to get done over break (stats paper, work for K.), it is not a true break. It's not as if I have been working non-stop, but, just as during the semester, relaxing, or watching tv, or hanging out with friends, are all guilt-fraught activities. There's no sense of truly being on a break. I'm continually stressed out, even back in Texas. I cannot wait until May.

Why does Stata hate me?

We used to have such a good relationship, but now...

Shocking news!

After a few years of increasing abstinence-only education, teen birth rates are going up for the first time since 1991. Not surprisingly, those states with the highest teen birth rates are those teaching abstinence only, rather than comprehensive sex education. Hmm. As Dr. Carol Hogue, an Emory University professor of maternal and child health, said: "It's not rocket science."*

*Putting on my social scientist cap, I must acknowledge that this could not mean a whole lot in the long run, that this does not necessarily indicate that a long-term upward trend in teen births is beginning, and that correlation does not equal causation.

Lesson learned for the millionth time... Will it finally sink in?

Things that you have been putting off for a long time, and stressing about, are actually a lot easier and less painful when you just do them.

This just about sums up UTD.

During the midst of an online discussion about UT-Dallas's mascot, and whether or not his name should be changed, there was this comment, by someone named Dwight:

The mascot should be a UTD level 70 blood elf.

Yes, yes, it should be. That or a chess piece. But, you know, comets make sense, too. We are such dorks. Whoosh!

Computer woes update.

Everything is the same.

Edit, 10:20am: Except now I have internet at home. Woo-hoo!

Oh. This blog is three years old.

No excited birthday post, though. That would have been over a week ago, anyhow. I am too consumed by my computer woes be overly excited that I have stuck with something this long.

Here was my first-ish post, way back in 2004. This one year old birthday post was written in the computer lab at UTD while studying for finals. This belated two-year birthday post had me wishing for a pet here in Arizona. I still want one.

But, I hope that by the time I am reading this post next year, I will no longer be in Arizona. Yes, dear reader, I am going to leave. Hopefully. If I have the courage to do it. The easiest thing would be to just stay here and stick it out. But I do not like it here. Ideally, one year from now, on the fourth birthday of this blog, I will be working somewhere back in Texas, maybe teaching sociology at a community college. The fifth anniversary of this blog will hopefully see me as a PhD student somewhere else, somewhere not in Tucson or the desert, somewhere with green trees and large bodies of water. Here's hoping.

Incidentally, I did not intend this post to be so revelatory. I have told a few people of my plans, but not many. Well now it's for the world (or at least the one or two people who read this blog) to know.

Happy birthday.

Of course it all happens at the end of the semester.

At the moment, my old laptop will not start. It will turn on, but Windows never boots, and it soon shuts off. This would not be terribly problematic, as I have not been using this computer at all this semester, except for the fact that in the past week I have spent several hours entering questions into a survey software program, and that time and work may now be lost. I was using that computer because the computer I am on now, the new one that I got at the beginning of this semester, has a non-functioning cd/dvd drive, so I was unable to install the software necessary.

On top of all of this, my internet at home is not working at all. I do not know why.

Why oh why do computer problems hit at the end of the semester?

This happened at the end of last semester as well.

Do you know what he means?

"A very attractive woman -- looked like she just got finished teaching a sociology class at Bryn Mawr College, if you know what I mean -- she said, 'Senator Biden . . . I came fully prepared to be unimpressed with you.' I said, 'Well, thank you very much.' " --Joe Biden, talking about a woman who challenged him for wearing a flag pin.

I do not, in fact, know what he means. What is he saying about sociology or Bryn Mawr? Have I missed something? Are sociologists supposed to be particularly attractive? Are Bryn Mawr professors? If the former, that has not been my experience.

On the phone, talking to the Qwest person about why my internet is having issues

"So, what do you do?"
"I'm a grad student."
"Cool. What do you study?"
"Sociology."
"Ahh. So do you want to go into the medical field?"

On the upside...

CoffeeXChange got new chai, which is less gross than before. Though, now, it is less like chai and more like some spiced milk that tastes vaguely of apple pie filling. I won't be coming for the chai, but now I won't completely avoid coffexchange because of the undrinkable chai.

What is it with Tucson coffee shops always playing 70s and 80s Paul McCartney songs?

That is my only question.

Unexpected turn of events.

[I wrote this a week ago while sitting in the Tucson airport. For some reason it saved as a draft and did not post. Bear in mind that as I wrote this I hadn't slept in over 24 hours. I just got back from Texas yesterday.]

If you had asked me this time yesterday what I would be doing I would have probably said, “working on my orgs paper,” (though I would have been thinking, “procrastinating from working on my orgs paper.”). I would certainly not have guessed that I would be in an airport waiting to fly to DFW. Well, to Houston, then on to DFW. Yet that is precisely where I am.

Due to a series of unfortunate events, many involving my apartment, and others relating to my general melancholy and dislike of Tucson, I am going home for Thanksgiving. Prior to 6:00 this morning, I had wanted to go home, but had viewed it as highly impractical. Not only was I going to be home for Christmas break in a few weeks anyway, but I had a lot of work to do. Yet this morning, while trying to sleep in my office (which, incidentally, is lacking a couch or anything remotely comfortable), I decided that going home was a possibility. Of course, by that point had been awake 24 hours, so what was my judgment worth?

I called my mom, expecting and half-hoping to be talked out of this nonsense. But my mom was at work and I got my dad, who was very concerned and enthusiastic about my coming home (my mom was as well, once I actually spoke to her). After having several internet-related mishaps, I finally called Continental (on the actual telephone! so old school!) to purchase my tickets for this morning.

On a quick stop at Target on the way to the airport, I noticed a baby bib with a sailboat on it, and decided that my as-yet-unborn nephew had to have it. I should have known better than to wander into the baby section. I walked out with all manner of onesies, tiny jackets, socks, shirts, and the most adorable little shoes you've ever seen.

Despite my detour, I arrived at the airport a dutiful 2.5 hours early. This seems excessive for Tucson International Airport, but that's what the local radio had been advising for days. I had paid attention, not out of any actual belief that it may pertain to me, but out of a wishful thinking that ended up being realized. Turns out, it might have been better had I not listened. I got through check-in and security faster than I ever have at any airport. The airport also seems emptier than I have ever seen it. Not only that, but my flight itself has been delayed because of weather. This could be problematic if it results in me getting into Houston too late to catch my flight to DFW.

I know my last post was about gender being problematic and how we should stop caring so much about it...

But.

What kind of a dataset does not contain the gender of its respondents, and then forces me to go find another dataset in the same study and merge the two together?

Edit at 4:25 PM: Okay, so that was not all that difficult to deal with. But, still.

seriously.

All these awful ideas we have about "gender," men trying to be "masculine" and women trying to be "feminine"--they're unhealthy, unnatural, and in the past few days I've seen people really hurting because of it. Gender, the system of ideas that we've built up around biological sex, is the cause of a lot of pain. And it's easy to just tell people "don't worry about society! Be who you are!" but we all have to interact in a society that tells people how to be and judges them when they do not conform.

Why can't we just value the things associated with masculinity and femininity, no matter who does them? Why do things culturally associated with women, such as caring and nurturing and emotionality, have to be devalued when they are done by women and seen as suspect when done by men? Of course, a lot of it has to do with power, etc. But I guess I'd much rather complain about it than think about ways of challenging it. Ideas?

In gender-related news: today I find out if I am going to have a niece or a nephew, and I am excited! Actually, that's not so much "gender"-related as "sex"-related. Luckily for my niece or nephew at the moment, he or she has not confronted gender as an ideology yet and can just be who she or he is.