Once, a long time ago, I had a quote book, where I wrote down randomly bizarre things that I or my friends said. I lost the quote book, and rather than starting up a new one, whenever I heard a funny quote, I would write it down on whatever was handy. This was a good two or three years ago. Now that I am packing up my closet, I found a whole folder of random napkins, bits of paper, church bulletins, and class handouts with quotes that are sometimes funny, sometimes funny if you know the person saying them, and sometimes probably only funny in context. And context is long gone by now. I'll post them anyway.
"It looks like a highlighter but you drink it." --Dylan on Mountain Dew
"No, more like pee." --Luke
"Dude, what does your pee look like?" --Dylan
"Bird poop isn't the same as gravy." --Travis
"I weave a mean blanket." --Jason
"The hottie, the hottie, mmm, I love the hottie." --Sarah, to the tune of "The Bunny Song."
"Eat the chicken." --Sarah
"She wants to shrink-wrap the world, but she'll go the jail first." --Lauren, on Martha Stewart
"Now our only hope is that this church bus has a head-on collision." --Sarah
"They wanna get it on." --Sarah
"Get what on?" --M., Jason's little sister
"So, going to the bathroom together is off limits?" --Sarah to Jason
"Mmmhmm. And sleeping in the same bed, as well!" --Jason
"Give it to God." --Jason
"Where do the students park??" --Jason, looking at the B. McDaniel middle school parking lot
"She made the Colt face! I heard it!" --Jason
"I so want to like your ear." [a few seconds later] "Oh, I have earwax on my tongue now." --Sarah (to Jason, presumably)
"Jason, you can bite my tongue." --Sarah
"Forget poking a dead body with a stick, I want to lick people." --Sarah
"Jason, do you want to have my babies?" --Sarah
"It feels like dog poop between my toes." --Sarah
"Clinton in the oral--I mean oval--office." --Ema
I think many of these quotes (especially the Sarah and Jason ones) were from really one night where I insisted on being annoying and writing down everything they said. Oh well.